random brain dribbles of a nurse, novelist, and ninja enthusiast

Interior Decorating For Dudes

Feng Shui 2

My wife is constantly attempting to pique my interest by showing me pictures of her latest household decorations and I am constantly disappointing her with my complete and total apathy. Apathy is an apt, but understated description of how I truly feel toward all interior decorating. I hate it.

I hate all of it. Every new piece of furniture, picture frame, dangling chandelier, or other household accoutrement is met with the disdain of duty. Each new box arriving at our doorstep is just another decorative chore to be tackled. My wife sees Pottery Barn, but I see a hellish afternoon off spent working.

Welcome to hell!

Welcome to hell!

Our two contrasting points of view regarding design over duty are further complicated by the typical male brain.

male brain

Now let’s take a look at the typical female brain.

Female Brain

Notice how infinitely more complex the female brain is and take heed when confronting this brain unless you plan on challenging the holding a grudge center adjacent to the never forgetting center. These centers are weaved into a complex neural network which will always win household arguments when coupled with the withholding sex technique. This ancient technique has existed since time immemorial

An ancient Chinese philosopher once said…

Feng Shui 2

At the top of all of this is Pinterest (note: picture above acquired at Pinterest). Pinterest is the bane of every man’s existence (case in point: picture above). My wife is constantly scouring its pages for projects. There is a reason it isn’t called Manterest. It is filled with any number of things to destroy your weekend.

Wife: 

“Ooh, look at these multi-tiered planting containers outlined by an ornately sculpted fountain surrounded by a mythological unicorn who is standing in front of a home made gazebo. It doesn’t look that hard honey.”

Every husband on earth:

“F*** you Pinterest.”

2 Responses to “Interior Decorating For Dudes”

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